Published November 14, 2023
35 Tips for Dealing With Difficult Family Members During the Holidays
The article, 35 Tips for Dealing With Difficult Family Members During the Holidays, written by Melissa Boudin, PsyD and reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD, was published by Choosing Therapy on October 17, 2023. We have listed the 35 tips shared by the authors, and hope you will visit Choosing Therapy to read the expansion of each for yourself. You’ll notice that advance preparation is key!
1. Manage expectations to avoid disappointment
2. Plan ways of avoiding unwelcome patterns
3. Emphasize shared interests
4. Adjust your mindset with calming activities before visits
5. Set time limits on your visits with difficult people
6. Acknowledge to yourself your experience and feelings
7. Find common ground with those you find difficult
8. Use a “less-is-more” approach to interacting with your difficult people
9. Plan creative activities to do together
10. With interfering family members, be sure to
a. Recognize your expertise in your own life
b. Redirect conversations as needed
c. Set a positive atmosphere as much as possible
11. Ground yourself with a walk, yoga or mindful breathing
12. Remove yourself if and when doing so seems best
13. Create and honor boundaries, such as refusal to discuss private matters
14. Practice self-care in your preferred ways
15. For more control over events, consider hosting them yourself
16. Invite people who will serve as buffers between you and your difficult others
17. Avoid controversial topics
18. Be ready to change the subject
19. Have in mind numerous neutral conversational topics to introduce
20. Plan a way of signaling someone who can help you escape a problematic situation
21. Make plans in advance with your partner about how you will manage difficulties
22. Choose your battles; what can you let go? What requires your attention?
23. Avoid overindulgence in alcohol so that you can make your best decisions
24. Weigh the benefits of being around someone against the possible problems
25. Keep available (in your pocket, on your phone) something that will make you smile
26. Mentally step back and observe rather than become swept up in hard situations
27. Try to learn from and gain insight into the perspectives of your difficult others
28. Offer compassion to yourself
29. Be able to say no if necessary
30. Use I-statements (I think, I prefer) rather than blaming others
31. Use “I feel” statements rather than blaming others
32. Determine responses in advance as much as possible
33. Use affirmations such as “I am patient” or “my relative is well-meaning”
34. Ask for help from a professional counselor
35. Ride the wave, remembering that it will end